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PastPoop9/14/2003-Because we are all purdy in our own wayHey kids!I'm here to do you a public service. You know how your kindergarden teacher allways told you that you are beautiful in your own way? How good looks are relative, and that someone somewhere will find you attractive? Well, I'm here to tell you that you weren't given the whole story. First off your kindergarden teacher, who we will call Ms. Suzie from here on out, didn't tell you that beer would have a major role in people finding a certian number of us attractive. I think this had to do with Nancy Reagan's anti-drug platform, but I'm not too sure. A gas line has been leaking into the apartment lately and the little green rabbit who lives in my asscrack says that it's effecting my brainage. Anyways, back at the ranch... So yeah, some of us will have to ply prospective mates with a serious amount of booze before we can get some of that oh so sweet lovin. This isn't a crime, I mean hell, that's why God gave us beer. Wait, I think that was Kind David, or was it Loki? I'm not too sure on that as of this moment. But what I am sure of is that you ugly fuckers do not need to post your heinous ass on the internet. There's a few sites out that go by www.ratemy*insertwhateverthefuckyouwanthereandIbetit'sthere*.com where the average Joe/Jane can post pics of whatever they want and have the vacuous intelects of the internet give them a 1 - 10 rating. Allmost all of the photos that are soon to follow came from the warm bosom of Rate my Boobies. Most of the photos there are recycled porn pics where the asscradle who submited it claims it's a pic of their girlfriend/wife/mother. The others are of fat assed housewives who think their saggy ass chesticles are the cat's meow. What's bad is the few, but oh so memorable phreak photos. You'd be goin through the pics working on a nice hard on then BAM! Total boner deflation. Let me show you.... 
See what I mean? Now, this isn't the only one floating around out there. Another one that I found was the source image for this photo... 
Which, in all honesty, is not nearly as shocking as the original. That, and we haven't stuck it to Scientology for a bit, so FUCK YOU L RON HUBBARD. On with the show! 
That one took me a while to absorb, in all honesty. 
Somewhere, I think a Kitten just died. Poor kitty. 
It looks like someone mistakenly took a transsexual's hormone therapy pills by mistake. Fuck. But one might feel that I'm compensating for a personal flaw by degrading all these people. So I'll post a photo of myself for all of you to laugh at.... 
Allrighty! So the lesson here is, yes, someone will fuck you. Hell, they might even enjoy it. Aleister Crowley used to fuck the ugliest people of both sexes. Just don't post your fat/ugly/saggy/phreakish/freakish/hairy/pimply/cratered/stinky ass online. Especially where I could stumble upon it. Goodnight to all! -BarnyardMessiah |
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